Why Is It Unhealthy to Keep in Touch with Your Exes?
By Ama H. Vanniarachchy
Keeping in touch with your former partners, which may seem to be ‘very open’ has made modern relationships further difficult and unhealthy. Maintaining connections with your former partners has become easier and convenient with the advancement of modern technology. And yes, it seems to be pretty modern, liberal, and open. But have you ever thought of its impact on your current relationship? What about your significant other’s feelings?
Let’s find out the psychology behind this and why it is bad for your relationship. Let us see what modern research has to say about remaining ‘friends’ with your former partner.
Why do people do so?
People maintain friendships with their exes when they do not want to end the bond and to move on without keeping touch with their ‘once significant other’. They also do so to make the breakup softer or to ease the pain. But psychologists suggest this is not a good idea and this may not be the only reason why people keep in touch with their exes. Recent studies reveal that those who keep in touch with their exes may do so as they are less committed to their new relationships.
Why do physiologists suggest that this is a bad idea?
- You might still be in emotional ties with your exes
- This may lead you into an on-off again or ‘casual’ relationship
- There isn’t any advantage to remaining friends with your exes
- And most definitely, it is disrespectful for your new partner.
Why is it not normal?
Well, you don’t want research to understand that it is not pretty normal to keep in touch with your ex and how toxic it would be. Modern scientists reveal that people with dark personality traits (such as a narcissist, dual personality, and psychopaths) maintain links with their exes. Oakland University researchers Justin Mogilski and Lisa Welling conducted research on this regard and explained that subjects who had ‘measures of dark personality’ were more likely to maintain relationships with their exes for ‘practical and sexual reasons.’
Dr.Ferretti agrees with the findings in this study, stating that dark personality types are most interested in how relationships can be useful to them and that such people ‘may stay connected to (exes in order to) have access to valuable resources.
Nina At wood, therapist, and author of Temptations of the Single Girl states that staying real-time friends might not be such a great idea, and but even staying Facebook friends is not the right thing to do.
Effects on your new relationship
Maintaining a link with your exes is toxic for your current relationship. This is a trait of an unhealthy relationship. The past may echo in your current relationship and most importantly to know that you maintain contacts with them, professional or not, will be devastating to your current partner. This will be reminding them that you are being ‘shared’ and that the heat of lost flames could light up anytime. It has been already suggested by researchers that this is not a sign of a committed and loyal relationship. Therefore the best you should do is to choose between the two. A sacrifice of your ex is not a big deal if, you truly value your new relationship.
Why old pictures?
Also, your exes shouldn’t be on your phone or computer, no matter what profession you are in. Even if you let them be in your social media, let them be as an inactive contact and it is completely unnecessary to ‘like’ each other on social media. The best is to delete all contacts and give it a clean start to your new relationship.
Be Clean, stay committed
Naturally, people defend and justify keeping in touch with their exes stating it is purely professional and it is open-minded and progressive. Unfortunately, it is NOT. Keeping photos of your exes on your devices and social media is absolutely unhealthy and a big no says Dr. Jesse Fox, Assistant Professor in the School of Communication at Ohio State University.