Embrace Singlehood a Journey Towards Self-love
By Ama H. Vanniarachchy
People aren’t defined by their relationships.
– Nina Dobrev
I am single and I am proud of it. Yes, I am happy and content with myself as a single woman. It is because I chose to be single, I chose happiness. It is not that easy to embrace singlehood wholeheartedly when you are living in a conservative society.
Many people end up being in relationships because they fear society and they fear being alone. People end up making their lives complicated, messed up and sad due to the pressure from the society as well as the pressure you have within. Still there are people who feel low about being single or feel discontent with their lives as singles.
Of course marriage and being in a relationship is a wonderful thing. I do believe in the concept of relationship and marriage. But it is a choice. A choice one must make in life; it should be a wise decision.
It is natural that as human beings we all crave for human bonds. We love to share our lives, our good and bad moments with each other. Having a partner is great in this sense. However, everyone you fall for is not suitable to be allowed to be in your life.
If he or she does not bring you happiness, support and growth in every aspect of life, it is not a healthy relationship. If it adds confusion, worries, stress and makes things complicated, then what is the point being in a relationship? It is just for the sake of not being single? Well, be wise. Be sensible. Don’t let society mess with your happiness and peace.
I personally have met many singles, who are feeling depressed about the fact that they are single. They feel something important is missing in their lives; they feel incomplete. Happiness is far away from them. Making things worse, they are ashamed to embrace their singlehood. Their desperate search for ‘happiness’ and ‘completeness’ is eternal and unfortunately many do not realise it. I must say that happiness and completeness is not something you have to look in others, but to look within.
Today I will tell you little secrets to make you feel empowered and content about your single life.
Freedom can be defined in many ways. In this context I mean freedom as the liberty you have over your life. There is actually no one to control you emotionally, financially, socially or physically. There are many instances that controlling could be very unhealthy in relationships or marriages. You feel less responsible during singlehood. Also, being free means you can prioritise yourself in many other productive things.
Being single gives you the time and space to explore yourself, to learn more about yourself as you have all the time in the world. You can learn your likes, dislikes, your weaknesses and strengths etc. Also as you have more time for yourself, you can improve your hobbies, skills, even start up your own business.
Happiness and peace within you.
As you learn more about yourself, you learn to prioritise yourself. You learn that your happiness lies in your own hands. This leads you to become self-sufficient when it comes to happiness and peace. Once you realize that peace has nothing to do with being with someone, you will discover a stronger version of yourself. Our tendency to be dependent, makes us weak and emotionally vulnerable.
You develop unbelievable strength when you know you are your own hero.
Your self-esteem and confidence will boost the moment you discover that you are your hero. When you are in a difficult situation in life, be it emotionally, physically or financially, if you step forward and pull yourself out of the misery, then emerge the hero in you.
You become fearless, resilient and self-sufficient.
In this journey of self-love and self-discovery, you realise how resilient and self-sufficient you are. Personally, I believe that being emotionally dependent and vulnerable are the things that make a person weak and lost.
Pamper and cherish yourself.
Take yourself out for a treat. Buy things for you. Don’t wait till someone comes and takes you out on dates, for movies or buys you gifts.
Time for family and friends
In most cases I have seen that those who are busy in relationships distances themselves from close family and friends. Being single you have more time to cherish your loved ones other than the ‘significant other’. Go on a lunch with your mom, your sister, a family trip, meet old school mates or visit a friend who lives far away. You will learn that love, happiness and healthy human relationships do exist beyond romantic relationships.
Save money, time and energy
Yes, being single saves money, time and energy. You have less worries, less responsibilities and duties. You can invest your free time, energy and money on some important causes such as charity and help others. In this way, you can give more love for the needed.
We do many things in order to achieve happiness and peace. This is one reason we think of relationships and marriages. Another need that compels us is the need to feel secure; to feel emotionally, physically, socially and financially secure. Many believe that being single makes a person vulnerable, insecure and weak. But the reality is that being trapped in a wrong unhealthy relationship is what actually makes one miserable and weak. Fearing the social stigma and cultural bonds, many don’t come forward and open up about this. However, this is the very reason that society will always force you to believe that being single is bad, incomplete or unsafe. Giving in to social pressure will lead you on a self-destructive path. Many hardly realize this.
My advice is, always choose happiness. Choose yourself. Choose to be respected and valued. Do not fall in love with the ‘idea of being in love’; fall in love with yourself first, then fall in love.
P.S. – If your puppy plays a very important role in your life, as it does in mine, being single is great; coz you can always be with your puppy, cuddle with it on bed, and don’t have to worry how your puppy will treat your partner.
If we seek paradise outside ourselves, we cannot have paradise in our hearts. – Thomas Merton